Why You’re Not the Expert for Your Kids

I’m in the middle of soccer, baseball, softball and Ninja Warrior season right now.  Both as a dad and as a coach – I’m involved! I have a career as a sports-based chiropractor but spend a significant amount of my time and energy on human performance. I love helping adults and kids at becoming faster, stronger and more energetic. It is a passion of mine and after 4 or 5 generations of coaching I feel like coaches and teaching is in my genes – especially for the age of my kids right now and their sports teams.

I often hear parents say, “It’s nice to have you coach because we can tell our kids what to do but they won’t listen.” That’s true. It’s difficult to be experts to your own kids. Watch my teams.10 kids paying attention and fired up and ready to work and my two girls doing cartwheels 20 feet away. I’m no expert for them. I’m the dad – not the expert. Barely the coach.

The other kids might think I invented the sport and what I say is gold – but let’s get real, to my kids I’m just dad.

This may happen to you as well. Especially the young parents that have their oldest in sports for the first time – “Why won’t she listen to me??!! I played college ball for crying out loud!”

Don’t be discouraged. I have figured it out, and I can help you. I use my friends (whom are coaches) as the experts for my kids. I used to have issue with this, but I’ve seen the light and learned from my mistakes. I’ve done dozens of Tough Mudders and obstacle courses, hell, I built the stuff in our back yard they play on, but still – no advice from dad please.

Guys it’s no big deal.  Stop worrying and see it from the kids’ perspective and you’ll see why – for millennia, parents have RARELY been the experts.  Even the best coaches in the world use outside help.

Little known fact – little Vito Columbus, Chris’ kid, learned to sail from one of his friends.  Not his dad.  It was pretty much peer pressure alone that made his, although lesser known – equal in longevity, sailing career profitable and secure.

Here’s why.

They’ve seen you in your underwear.

Yep, That pretty much sums it up.   How can you be an expert when the kids know you like that.

They’ve seen you in the shower, swearing while tripping on Legos, in the morning before the coffee has kicked in, hungover, swearing after you stubbed your toe, irrate over some little insignificant thing like clothes on the floor, swearing again about another thing not picked up that you stepped on – whining, begging for them to just. Go. To . Bed. Please.   Basically everything that entails being a parent.

We are intimately tied to our kids and this is a GOOD thing, but it does lend itself to familiarity and comfort– both traits that keep you from being the end all –be all expert of the universe.  And let’s get real, the real job of parents is in the comfort and familiarity department.  That’s called “social development.”  It’s the real stuff.  Confidence and Security.  That’s OUR “#1 JOB!” and something to be proud of.  Our kid hitting the slider can take a back seat for a while.

Have you ever noticed that your kids get kind of weird when they see their teacher at the grocery store?   That’s because, for the students, teachers haven’t been thought of as actual real people with real lives.   “WHAT??!? They don’t just live at the school and think of nothing but furthering the human race by the education of the youth?”

Teachers lives are different than parents lives.   Coaches too.   Use this information.  Be OK with it – you still are the person they trust and love the most and they will always come back to you.  Be the one that supports what the coach says and help reiterate the lessons they need.   When you see something your kid needs,  ask the coaches to bring up something you want to instill.

Your kids’ universe is different than yours.  Their perspective is different than yours and the same information coming in different ways helps reinforce the lessons they need for sports, life, love family and development.   These little guys and girls are observant and when they see others listening to your advice and ideas, they’ll eventually get the point and understand that you actually do know whatever it is you’re yammering on about over there.    No matter how they act – you’re still mom and dad..the smartest, strongest, kindest and most specialist person in the whole world.  Even in your underwear.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s